Chapter 6: Not a screen-friendly look

Mike Williams hated to watch himself on video. His voice sounded strange and his face always had weird proportions on a screen. As a kid, he always hid whenever his mom decided to pull out the video camera and record whatever he was doing. They had several videos from birthdays just showing Mike running out of the room and hiding in a closet. Lately, his mother had insisted on video-calling him and he just couldn't stop looking at his own face in the corner of the screen. All bloated and chinny. Luckily, sitting in the stand Mike had his back against the giant screen showing his face. The last thing he wanted was to throw up in front of the entire United Galaxy Council. Again. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop staring at the countless legs on prosecutor Nai'zest Qalong, and they somehow made his stomach turn.

'Isn't that right, Mike Williams?' Nai'zest concluded and Mike realized he hadn't heard a word of the prosecutors opening and question. What a perfect start. 'Ex-excuse me?' Mike stammered and the smug smile on Nai'zest lama-face disappeared. Clearly, he had built up to a point that Mike's lack of focus now destroyed. 'Is it correct that you represent Earth, Mike Williams?' 'Yes, but-'

'A single yes or no will do, thank you.' Nai'zest turned to the members of the council. 'I have countless evidence that the humans of Earth are a species of arrogance, ignorance and violence. Time and time again they have violated the intergalactic laws and regulations and we can no longer let them behave like this. We have a responsibility to end this madness before it blows up.'

Mike saw a lot of the members nodding in agreement and he felt a sudden anger of injustice. 'Environmental violations. Attack of diplomatic delegations. And now, these humans,' Nai'zest continued, 'have chosen the wanted and infamous Pzankt-zu brothers as their global leaders. The escaped criminals with bounties on their heads!' 'That's a lie!' Mike shouted. 'Will you restrain yourself!' Nai'zest cut him off but had a pleased look in his devilish eyes. 'But that is not true! We have no escaped aliens on Earth, let alone chosen them as leaders, it's a lie!'

The creepy lama-octopus-alien came closer to Mike on its centipede-legs. 'Right now, the oldest of the brothers are controlling the most powerful country on your planet, disguised as a trumpet. I have the evidence right here!' It took Mike a couple of confused seconds to realize what was going on. 'That is not true,' he replied. 'Are you accusing me of lying again, human Williams, because it is getting a bit tiring.'

Mike shook his head. 'No, sir. But you should get your facts straight. I believe you meant to say Trump, that's a name. A trumpet is an instrument. A rather loud tooting horn.' He spotted some of the closest council members smiling crookedly.

'Enough of this! Lay'tek, if you can't control your client I will ask for a clapper.' 'What's a clapper?' Mike asked confused. 'That human can't seem to shut his mouth. All powerful judges, I ask for permission to use a clapper to restrain the human from interrupting all the time.' Nai'zest said to the judges who just gave three suttle nods.

A long-tailed alien with big flippers instead of hands approached Mike with a serious expression. 'What is- ouch!' Mike exclaimed as the alien slapped his nose. He turned to look at Morgan Freeman-Lay'tek for guidance but got distracted by the big screen showing his own face with a red and bloated nose. A clapper, Mike thought, how humiliating.

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